haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
