What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
