everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
