Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
