I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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