so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
