If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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