I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So much rum. So many feels.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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