is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
