She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
