isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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