take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
