The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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