Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
