There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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