Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
