peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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