Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
