he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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