This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
