dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
