sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Well I just put wine in my tea
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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