Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
