All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
