Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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