I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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