so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
