i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
