I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
