If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
