Don't make out with my wife yet
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
