She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
