I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
