You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
