I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
