this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
