god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
