It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
