you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
