Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
