You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I need a burrito and a hug.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
