What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
