Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Alive.
So much puke
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
