There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
