you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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