i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
