Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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