I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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