yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
