apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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