I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
