it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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