I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
