There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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