I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
