What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
